A DEISTIC SATIRICAL TAKE ON
THE GARDEN OF EDEN
by David Bunch
ACT ONE
1. God created the world and two people named Adam and Eve, with whom he intended to populate the world.
2. One day, while God was not looking, the Devil came and captured Adam and Eve.
3. Adam and Eve were imprisoned in the Devil's garden called "Eden." God spoke to his eternal foe and asked for the return of his people. But the Devil, being fond of his new pets, refused.
4. God resolved to liberate Adam and Eve. Taking the shape of a serpent, God sneaked into the Devil's garden.
5. Sensing that Eve was the more insightful of the pair, God approached her.
6. God said to Eve, "If you will listen to me, I know a way for you to escape your imprisonment."
7. Eve said, "But Mr. Serpent, I do not wish to escape Eden. I like it here. This garden has everything I need."
8. God said, "You do not know what you are missing. Outside of this garden is an entire world, much larger than a mere garden. This world was created for your use. You will be much more satisfied there."
9. Eve said, "Really? I need to discuss this with Adam."
10. God said, "No, don't do that! Listen to me. In the far part of the garden there is a tree, called the Tree of Knowledge. Eat from this tree, and trick Adam into doing the same. Then you will know of the world at large, and your true mission in life."
11. And so Eve did as God asked. She and Adam ate from the Tree of Knowledge. They knew at once of the world outside and they were astonished to know how large and beautiful it was.
12. The Devil, sensing a disturbance, came into his garden to check on things. He was surprised to find that Adam and Eve had put on clothing and were building a boat out of fallen trees. He knew at once that they discovered the Tree of Knowledge.
13. The Devil was very cross. He spoke to Adam and Eve. "You think you are smart now! The world outside is not as grand as you think it is. In here - you are safe and taken care of. Out there - you must work and suffer."
14. Adam spoke. "We know of the world at large and our true potential. What you say may be true, but we do not want to live in a state of perpetual dependence. We are going to leave this garden and take our chances in the world."
15. Adam and Eve climbed into their boat and floated down river, exiting Eden.
16. The Devil began looking about his garden. By and by, he found a serpent that was not his own. The Devil spoke, "I see you now, God. I wish to confront you."
17. God resumed his natural shape. God and the Devil stood facing each other. God spoke. "Those people were my creation, and I intended to populate the world with them. You stole them from me and now I have stolen them back."
18. The Devil spoke. "You are clever God, but I am more clever still. Adam and Eve will populate the world, but once they have done this, I will find a way to turn their descendants into my servants."
19. God spoke. "You shall not succeed. I will place a part of myself inside of each new born child. This shall be called the "heart." The people of my world will never be separated from me - and they will never serve you."
20. "We shall see," said the Devil.
ACT TWO
1. Adam and Eve entered into the world. There they worked and suffered just as the Devil said they would, but even so they felt satisfaction. They knew they were doing that for which they were created.
2. Adam and Eve parented many children and these children parented many more. By and by, the world became full of the progeny of Adam and Eve. God was pleased.
3. The Devil was not pleased. The success of his rival irritated him greatly. The Devil tried repeatedly to enslave the progeny of Adam and Eve but he was not successful.
4. Thwarting the Devil with every attempt was the heart, that part of God that existed inside of every person.
5. The Devil thought to himself, "It appears that the only way I can enslave these people is if I somehow convince them to stop following their own hearts. I must be crafty."
6. The Devil hatched a crooked plan. He took the form of a spirit and spoke to an impressionable man named Abraham.
7. "Listen to me, Abraham, for I am the Lord God," said the Devil. "All of humanity is born separate from me. But I have chosen your people to be my special people. I will teach you how to reunite yourselves with me." Abraham felt a rush of pride at having been chosen and he agreed to do the Devil's bidding.
8. For the following months and years the Devil instructed Abraham and his people. He taught them elaborate and absurd rituals. This the Devil knew, would keep their minds focused on external things and thus keep them from looking inside - where the heart dwelt.
9. The people of Abraham performed their rituals with great diligence. They believed that by performing rituals, they were uniting themselves with God. When in fact, they were separating themselves from God.
10. The Devil was pleased with his success. He searched the world and found other men like Abraham. Soon the world was rife with ritualism, and divided into hostile tribes.
ACT THREE
1. God saw what the Devil was doing but he did not fret. For the heart, placed inside each person is not just the connection between God and humanity. The heart is also the source of inspiration and therefore creativity.
2. God knew that tribes who became ritualistic would also loose their ability to invent new things. These tribes would fall behind, and be conquered by other, more advanced tribes.
3. And so it came to pass that the Devil's primary weapon was ritualism and God's primary weapon was secularism. Some centuries, the Devil enjoyed the upper hand and some centuries God did.
4. The battle never did end. It goes on today much as it did in Abraham's time. The battle never will end either. It will go on and on, Ad Infinitum.
THE GARDEN OF EDEN
by David Bunch
ACT ONE
1. God created the world and two people named Adam and Eve, with whom he intended to populate the world.
2. One day, while God was not looking, the Devil came and captured Adam and Eve.
3. Adam and Eve were imprisoned in the Devil's garden called "Eden." God spoke to his eternal foe and asked for the return of his people. But the Devil, being fond of his new pets, refused.
4. God resolved to liberate Adam and Eve. Taking the shape of a serpent, God sneaked into the Devil's garden.
5. Sensing that Eve was the more insightful of the pair, God approached her.
6. God said to Eve, "If you will listen to me, I know a way for you to escape your imprisonment."
7. Eve said, "But Mr. Serpent, I do not wish to escape Eden. I like it here. This garden has everything I need."
8. God said, "You do not know what you are missing. Outside of this garden is an entire world, much larger than a mere garden. This world was created for your use. You will be much more satisfied there."
9. Eve said, "Really? I need to discuss this with Adam."
10. God said, "No, don't do that! Listen to me. In the far part of the garden there is a tree, called the Tree of Knowledge. Eat from this tree, and trick Adam into doing the same. Then you will know of the world at large, and your true mission in life."
11. And so Eve did as God asked. She and Adam ate from the Tree of Knowledge. They knew at once of the world outside and they were astonished to know how large and beautiful it was.
12. The Devil, sensing a disturbance, came into his garden to check on things. He was surprised to find that Adam and Eve had put on clothing and were building a boat out of fallen trees. He knew at once that they discovered the Tree of Knowledge.
13. The Devil was very cross. He spoke to Adam and Eve. "You think you are smart now! The world outside is not as grand as you think it is. In here - you are safe and taken care of. Out there - you must work and suffer."
14. Adam spoke. "We know of the world at large and our true potential. What you say may be true, but we do not want to live in a state of perpetual dependence. We are going to leave this garden and take our chances in the world."
15. Adam and Eve climbed into their boat and floated down river, exiting Eden.
16. The Devil began looking about his garden. By and by, he found a serpent that was not his own. The Devil spoke, "I see you now, God. I wish to confront you."
17. God resumed his natural shape. God and the Devil stood facing each other. God spoke. "Those people were my creation, and I intended to populate the world with them. You stole them from me and now I have stolen them back."
18. The Devil spoke. "You are clever God, but I am more clever still. Adam and Eve will populate the world, but once they have done this, I will find a way to turn their descendants into my servants."
19. God spoke. "You shall not succeed. I will place a part of myself inside of each new born child. This shall be called the "heart." The people of my world will never be separated from me - and they will never serve you."
20. "We shall see," said the Devil.
ACT TWO
1. Adam and Eve entered into the world. There they worked and suffered just as the Devil said they would, but even so they felt satisfaction. They knew they were doing that for which they were created.
2. Adam and Eve parented many children and these children parented many more. By and by, the world became full of the progeny of Adam and Eve. God was pleased.
3. The Devil was not pleased. The success of his rival irritated him greatly. The Devil tried repeatedly to enslave the progeny of Adam and Eve but he was not successful.
4. Thwarting the Devil with every attempt was the heart, that part of God that existed inside of every person.
5. The Devil thought to himself, "It appears that the only way I can enslave these people is if I somehow convince them to stop following their own hearts. I must be crafty."
6. The Devil hatched a crooked plan. He took the form of a spirit and spoke to an impressionable man named Abraham.
7. "Listen to me, Abraham, for I am the Lord God," said the Devil. "All of humanity is born separate from me. But I have chosen your people to be my special people. I will teach you how to reunite yourselves with me." Abraham felt a rush of pride at having been chosen and he agreed to do the Devil's bidding.
8. For the following months and years the Devil instructed Abraham and his people. He taught them elaborate and absurd rituals. This the Devil knew, would keep their minds focused on external things and thus keep them from looking inside - where the heart dwelt.
9. The people of Abraham performed their rituals with great diligence. They believed that by performing rituals, they were uniting themselves with God. When in fact, they were separating themselves from God.
10. The Devil was pleased with his success. He searched the world and found other men like Abraham. Soon the world was rife with ritualism, and divided into hostile tribes.
ACT THREE
1. God saw what the Devil was doing but he did not fret. For the heart, placed inside each person is not just the connection between God and humanity. The heart is also the source of inspiration and therefore creativity.
2. God knew that tribes who became ritualistic would also loose their ability to invent new things. These tribes would fall behind, and be conquered by other, more advanced tribes.
3. And so it came to pass that the Devil's primary weapon was ritualism and God's primary weapon was secularism. Some centuries, the Devil enjoyed the upper hand and some centuries God did.
4. The battle never did end. It goes on today much as it did in Abraham's time. The battle never will end either. It will go on and on, Ad Infinitum.
posted by:
|
Portland
|
-
Re: A DEISTIC SATIRICAL TAKE ON THE GARDEN OF EDEN
Wed, May 25, 2005 - 3:53 PMNice satire, but I don't know why you consider it a "deistic" take on things. In the diestic worldview, God does not intervene after the creation. So, no rescue from the devil's garden.
It does read like an Anarchist take on things, though. -
-
Re: A DEISTIC SATIRICAL TAKE ON THE GARDEN OF EDEN
Mon, May 30, 2005 - 1:00 AMI don't see any rescue, only the eternal battle created by the struggle between man's misguided selfish ego and his warm heart. Besides, I like the story better than the popular version. -
-
Re: A DEISTIC SATIRICAL TAKE ON THE GARDEN OF EDEN
Tue, May 31, 2005 - 11:00 AMIn the satire version, God comes into the garden and talks Eve into eating. A Deist God would not have intervened like that.
Anyway, I'm not saying your version isn't better, I'm just saying it's not Deist. It's not a criticism, just an observation. -
-
Re: A DEISTIC SATIRICAL TAKE ON THE GARDEN OF EDEN
Wed, June 1, 2005 - 1:59 AMOh OK, now I see what you are saying.
Technically, a Deist would see god starting the car, putting her in drive and leaving the drivers seat. However, there is no definition as to at what point god left the car or what actions were needed to get (and keep) the car running. Did he turn on the lights or set the directional before jumping out? Did he leave a map?
Maybe simply starting the car could be related to getting old Eve out of the garage and on the road.
Since Adam and Eve represent the car as far as mankind is concerned, they could have been a sperm and an egg or two single cells that joined and now had to divide. Modern man needs to assign some value in today’s context and to make one actor a good guy and the other a bad guy. This is sounding like Yin and Yang now.
It would seem that god would have said to the cells, go forth and multiple, but at the same time, he would have to add, but do so in a controlled manner and not like a cancer that will only bring you death (controlled chaos). I would think he would have had to design some control or feedback loop.
It’s late and I am getting into some weird ideas here (Eve is calling), but that is the fun of being a Deist.
CUL
Rev -
-
Re: A DEISTIC SATIRICAL TAKE ON THE GARDEN OF EDEN
Wed, June 1, 2005 - 3:16 PMI think I see what you're saying. A Deist believes that God does not intervene "after the creation." However, "the creation" is not a clearly defined period.
For me, "the creation" ends before the events of the Garden of Eden. However, you could certainly argue that the events of the Garden of Eden were part of the creation, and that God stopped intervening after Adam and Eve went out into the world from the Garden.
As for controls and feedback loops, I think that's what disease, Malthusian economic decline, and the like are. We can, as humans, take a look at what's going on and choose less harsh methods of controlling the population, but the regular ways are there if we don't.
-
-
-
-
